At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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