if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
