im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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