You can't motorboat a personality
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
