My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
They have beer where we have blood.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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