party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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