Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
