This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
