I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
