Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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