Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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