worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
