IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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