I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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