first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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