Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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