Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
