please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
