do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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