Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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