i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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