It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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