My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
