I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
