I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
