I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
