They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
