that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
