You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize