I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
