i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
