I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
