Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
