Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
