my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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