Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
