Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You pole danced in your parka.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
