I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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