I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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