i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
