He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
