just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
zippers are such a cool invention
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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