I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
