dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize