my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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