dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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