I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
