We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
