Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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