I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
