When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
