So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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