I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
