i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
