my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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