My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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