i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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