Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
