I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
