I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
