I wish life had little blips of pornography
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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