Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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