i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
