I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
