after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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