youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
