OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
