If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
