btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he was CRYING into my vagina
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
