I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
