The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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