from now on my penis is your penis
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
