there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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